Disturbing Discoveries

Moving can be a bitch. In fact, I hate it probably more than most other things in the world. Maybe even more than spiders, and since I have arachnophobia, that's saying something. But every once in awhile, it can provide a bit of amusement, something sweet and nostalgic. Unfortunately, this was not my experience while packing today. In fact, what I found was slightly disturbing.

When I tumbled upon some of my old - very old - journals, I got super excited. As I held the green hard cover book in my hands, I smiled, remembering vaguely how much joy it brought me filling in the pages. I was about five years old when I first started 'journaling' - granted, there wasn't a lot of writing in this beginning one, but I knew it would still hold treasures for me, sparking memories of innocent childhood. So with a soft grin on my face, I opened up the book to my past....and this is the first picture I beheld:

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Ok, so I'm not QUITE sure how to explain this one - but I do remember hating 'Josh', the neighbor boy, and apparently I was working out my issues with him through an artistic venue. I don't really know what the green things are to the right ....perhaps they are an abstract forest scene, trying to soften the harshness of Josh's angry clown/alien freak show face.

I keep turning the pages, hoping for something a little sweeter....something to truly be a symbol of my perfect childhood....and this is what I come to next:

Now, at first glance, this COULD be an ok picture - I mean, afterall, both characters are SMILING. That equals happiness, right? But on closer inspection, Big Hairy Man seems to be smiling with evil insanity, not "Oh, what a cute little girl you are!" niceness. He also has his fists up, ready to kick the shit out of 'cute little girl'. Of course, so does SHE, so maybe she is the evil one, feigning innocence, but deep down, ready to fuck that bastard up. I can see it in her eyes, really.

Anyway. So I'm beginning to think that I really had quite a traumatic childhood, with these weird drawings...I'm hoping for something, SOMETHING, to let me know I really DID have a good growing up experience....and FINALLY, I see this picture:

+Pics+006.jpg" border=0>Awwww....so sweet! Two people, wide eyed with love, grinning hugely, as if nothing else existed but each other. Ok, so I spelled 'love' wrong, but give me a break, I was 5. Regardless, it is a picutre of quintessential childhood innocence, where everything is right and good and wonderful. I am pleased - relieved, actually, because I was really beginning to think I was kinda messed up, judging from the previous pictures.

And then I turned the page, which was a continuation from the last one:

It doesn't take a psychological genious to figure this one out. On one page, love and happiness between two people, and then on a fully separate page, Lonely Crying Girl.

Apparently I wasn't as well adjusted as I thought I was.

And, just to round things out, I got to one of the last pages, and discovered this pretty little gem:

Maybe I was wanting to turn into the Demon Monster I knew I really was deep down inside and 'take care' of all those who opposed me - Josh, Big Hairy Man, the Two Happy People in Love... maybe you're next. . .