Mood rings and fancy Port-o-Pottys

So my BFF struck again yesterday with her quirky questions...this time, it was a query into modd rings -- how do those damn things work?

Well, let me tell you.

The 'stone' of a mood ring is really a hollow quartz or glass shell containing thermotropic liquid crystals. Modern mood jewelry is usually made from a flat strip of liquid crystals with a protective coating. The crystals respond to changes in temperature by twisting. The twisting changes their molecular structure, which alters the wavelengths of light that are absorbed or reflected. 'Wavelengths of light' is another way of saying 'color', so when the temperature of the liquid crystals changes, so does their color.

Do Mood Rings Work?
Mood rings can't tell your emotional state with any degree of accuracy, but the crystals were calibrated with have a pleasing blue or green color at the average person's normal resting peripheral temperature of 82°F (28°C). As peripheral body temperature increases, which it does in response to passion and happiness, the crystals twist to reflect blue. When you are excited or stressed, blood flow is directed away from the skin and more toward the internal organs, cooling the fingers, causing the crystals to twist the other direction, to reflect more yellow. In cold weather, or if the ring was damaged, the stone would be dark gray or black and unresponsive.

What the Mood Ring Colors Mean
The top of the list is the warmest temperature, at violet, moving to the coolest temperature, at black.
violet blue - happy, romantic
blue - calm, relaxed
green - average, not much going on with you
yellow/amber - tense, excited
brown/gray - nervous, anxious
black - cold temperature or damaged ring

Speaking of things one might put on their hands...I had a student raise her hand in class, and when I called on her, she asked sweetly, "Do you want to hear my Port-o-Potty story?"

How could I resist such a question?

"Of course," I replied honestly.

"Well, I was at a game, and I had to go to the bathroom, so I saw a Port-o-Potty nearby and went in to go pee. When I was done, I, of course, washed my hands..."

At this point, I'm thinking, 'Wow, this must be one fancy port-o-potty, complete with an actual sink -- nice!

"After I got done washing my hands, there was nothing to dry them with, so I stepped out, my fingers still dripping wet."

Oh crap.

The realization hit me.

Student R continued as my horror grew. "When my mom saw me walk out, she asked why my hands were wet...I told her I had washed them in the sink, and gasping, mom shrieked, "That was not a sink, it was a URINAL!".

Oh....my.....God.

Student R had just 'cleaned' her hands in a contraption that catches man piss. Needless to say, Mom of Student R made Student R ride home in the car with her hands held out in front of her, as to not touch and soil anything.

Yeah.

I think I'm going to go wash my hands now. In a real sink.

Keeping with the barf theme...

...that's right, boys and girls, the topic of the night is vomit. We've already covered giraffe chunks, so now, we are moving on to flies. Apparently, my BFF is obsessed with the acidic river that flows up from the stomache to the throat and eventually, out of the mouth. BFF and I were standing out in the hall of our school, watching our lovely students pass by, and she turned to me and asked, "Do flies really puke on their food before they eat it?". I had a notion of an answer, as I have seen the movie, "The Fly", which shows Jeff Goldblum puking his guts out before he eats his prey....but I wanted to make sure I was right with my answer.

So I put on my super power clothes of "Random Researcher", and this is what I found out:

Yes, indeed, flies DO upchuck on their food. Apparently, they can taste, smell, and feel with the hairs that cover their bodies. The hairs on the fly's mouth parts and feet are used for tasting. Flies taste what they walk on. If they walk onto something tasty, they put down their mouth and taste it again. By puking on it. And sucking it up.

Gross.

Can you imagine if human beings had the same abilities?

I'm walking along the street, and tasting asphault.....icky! Or what if I happen to accidentally step in some dog poo...I'm SOOOO not wanting that taste in my mouth!

Thank god I'm not a fly.

Ironically, a fly cleans itself constantly....no wonder, as it is landing on piles of crap and throwing up on its food...cleanliness is probably a must for the fly, yes?

Slung Sneakers and Strap-Ons...

...So we've all seen those icky shoes strung over random suburbian power-lines, hanging desolately, and one has to wonder...why? I mean, it must take some seriously mad skills to sling those shoes up over the lines, so what possesses people to do so?

Thanks to the uncanny curiosity of my BFF, I was sent on another Research Mission.

According to my oh so valid resources, the reason is is that it indicates areas of drug dealerships...that if you see those shoes, you are in a place to score big in getting a little somethin' somethin' to get high.

Good to know. I guess. If you're in to that. Which I'm not. I promise.

So...moving on to another titilating Student Story. This actually happened a few months ago, but it is a classic that has been, unfortunately, burned into my memory.

Picture this:

Today's lesson is all about Alliteration. This is where two or more words in a sentence begin with the same letter...as in, "Sally sells sea shells down by the sea shore" -- most words start with 'S'. My wonderfully intelligent students grasped the idea rather quickly, and they were eager to come up with their own examples.

After a few minutes of brainstorming, they were ready to share. A couple of stellar examples ensued, and then it came to Student K. Now you have to understand that K is a sharp girl, and while sometimes, she can be fairly sarcastic and lean towards the inappropriate side, all in all, a good kid.

A sparkle lit up her eyes, and I could tell that she had a doozy...one that would blow my mind and with which she would strike Language Arts gold. I waited in glorious anticipation, ready to be inundated with pride, knowing that my innately awesome teaching skills had flowed into the minds of our youth of today.

"Ok, are you guys ready?" K asked excitedly.

"YES!" we all replied.

(By the way, my first name starts with an S, so I was the subject of her sentence).

"Alright....here is mine: S slowly slid on her silly strap-on."

Oh.....my...............GOD!

Needless to say, I was indeed blown away, but not for the right reasons. And to make matters even more complicated, she truly didn't understand the horrified look on my face. Apparently, she didn't realize what 'strap-on' meant...that her friends had given her that word, so she just ran with it.

So, let's re-work the lesson of the day, kids. I'm glad you understand what alliteration is, but now you have a new vocabulary word -- strap on! Yay!

Let's just freakin' go back to the much loved Giraffe Barf.....

Barfing Giraffes and Edible Lotion

While standing in the hallway during passing time, a student walked up to my BFF and asked her a very serious question: Do giraffes take longer puking than humans?

Now granted, this was a valid point to ponder, as obviously, giraffe necks are much longer than those of people. So, off I went, to my other BFF, Google, and typed in the appropriate search words.

Surprisingly, the answer is no. When the chunks have to fly, gravity, length of body parts, and any other force of nature cannot stand in the way. Who knew.

Ah, the heavy thoughts of today's youth...

Student Story of the Day:

As I sat innocently at my desk, grading papers, I overheard the following conversation:

"I licked R today, and she tasted good!" quipped Student #1 (female)

All of the boys' jaws dropped, as did mine.

WTF?

Student #1 looked at me, saw my incredulous reaction, and said, "Well, she had on that edible lotion from Victoria's Secret...it was yummy!"

"Where did you lick her?" questioned Student #2 (male)

"Ok, ok, stop right now, guys..." I demanded.

Why?, was the general consesus of the class....

"You guys are being naughty!" I replied, to which Student #1 rebuked, "Get your mind out of the gutter, Ms. T!".

My lord.

I guess I should stick with giraffe vomit, just to play it safe....

Pendulous Noses...

... are found only on one species in the world -- the Proboscis monkey, which resides only in Borneo. On the males, it is very pronounced, and is used to both help with making wonderful honking noises as well as to sexually attract the females. The bigger the schnozz is, the better chance the guy has a of gettin' some. And speaking of sex, apparently, the male has a pretty much constant erection. Isn't it Viagra for humans that says "If you have an erection for more than four hours, consult your doctor immediately."? Hmmm. I guess constant erections are healthy for monkeys, but not for man....seems evolution is playing a cruel trick on the human race, eh?